Painful Relationships

We’re still talking about a life full of pain here at Emory BC.  This our Sunday morning sermon series for the summer.

 

We’ve talked about painful decisions, and painful finances, and painful health, and painful losses.  Today, we are talking about painful relationships.

 

Please remember, we are not just identifying painful experiences.  We are also trying to identify means of surviving a life full of pain.

 

Everyone’s life in the room is full of relationships.  We have family relationships. We have work relationships.  We have school relationships.  We have relationships with friends and neighbors.

 

However, sometimes, relationships can be painful.  Relationships can hurt, and hurt really badly.

 

This morning, I want to remind you of a relationship in the book of Acts that went experienced a lot of pain.  It was a relationship between Saul or Paul and Barnabas.

 

I suspect that many of us know quite a bit about Paul.  However, we might not be as familiar with Barnabas.

 

 

Barnabas and Saul/Paul

Let’s find out more.  Turn to Acts 4:36.

 

Acts 4:36 And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus.

 

Barnabas was an early convert to Christianity from the ministry of Peter and John.  We also note something of his character.  He was encourager and came from a family of encouragers.

 

Acts 9:27 27 But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. And he declared to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus.

 

He was one of the first Christians to welcome Saul.  This is key.  Their friendship was long.

 

Acts 11:22 22 Then news of these things came to the ears of the church in Jerusalem, and they sent out Barnabas to go as far as Antioch.

 

In a sense, he was a local-church missionary sent out from Jerusalem to Antioch.

 

Acts 11:25 25 Then Barnabas departed for Tarsus to seek Saul.

 

He and Paul were ministry partners.

 

Acts 11:30 30 This they also did, and sent it to the elders by the hands of Barnabas and Saul.

 

The two of them carried an offering back to the Jerusalem Church and their missions.

 

Acts 12:25 25 And Barnabas and Saul returned from Jerusalem when they had fulfilled their ministry, and they also took with them John whose surname was Mark.

 

They welcomed John Mark, Barnabas’ cousin, to minister with them.

 

Acts 13:1 Now in the church that was at Antioch there were certain prophets and teachers: Barnabas, Simeon who was called Niger, Lucius of Cyrene, Manaen who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch, and Saul.

 

Barnabas become an official and recognized leader in the church at Antioch.

 

Acts 13:2 2 As they ministered to the Lord and fasted, the Holy Spirit said, “Now separate to Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.”

 

He was then sent out, along with Saul, on their first missionary journey.

 

Acts 13:50 50 But the Jews stirred up the devout and prominent women and the chief men of the city, raised up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region.

 

These two were persecuted for their faith in Christ.

 

Acts 14:12 12 And Barnabas they called Zeus, and Paul, Hermes, because he was the chief speaker.

 

Barnabas was involved with miracle that Paul performed at Lystra.

 

Acts 15:2 2 Therefore, when Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and dispute with them, they determined that Paul and Barnabas and certain others of them should go up to Jerusalem, to the apostles and elders, about this question.

 

He was part of the Jerusalem Council that welcomed Gentiles into the first church.

 

Acts 15: 12 12 Then all the multitude kept silent and listened to Barnabas and Paul declaring how many miracles and wonders God had worked through them among the Gentiles.

 

He then confirmed how God was working in their lives.

 

Acts 15:22 22 Then it pleased the apostles and elders, with the whole church, to send chosen men of their own company to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas, namely, Judas who was also named Barsabas, and Silas, leading men among the brethren.

 

He and Paul then want back to Antioch.

 

Acts 15:35 35 Paul and Barnabas also remained in Antioch, teaching and preaching the word of the Lord, with many others also.

 

They stayed there in Antioch teaching and preaching the Bible until they were set to leave on their second missionary journey.

 

Do you see how connected these two were?  Barnabas was one of the first to welcome Saul.  They then traveled all over making disciples and starting churches.  When they are named in Acts, it is often together.

 

Acts 15:36-41 36 Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.” 37 Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work. 39 Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

 

But then, Acts 15:39 happened, and it was painful.  It was all over John Mark.

 

Make no mistake about here.  This argument was bad. 

 

Most English translations use the word sharp to describe their contention.  The word in the New Testament is paroxysm. 

 

It means a sudden outburst.  It means a fit of rage.  These two men were mad!

 

They were so mad, they severed their ministry partnership.  Barnabas and John Mark went their way, and Paul and Silas went theirs.

 

BTW…God promises to bring good from evil.  God brought two mission teams from this sharp contention and more people heard the gospel.

 

But what was the deal?  Why did they get so mad?  Let’s find out about John Mark.

 

 

John Mark

We are introduced to John Mark in Acts 12.

 

Acts 12:12 12 So, when he had considered this, he came to the house of Mary, the mother of John whose surname was Mark, where many were gathered together praying.

 

He lived in Jerusalem.  His mother was a Christian, and we learn from Colossians 4:10 that he was Barnabas’ cousin.

 

Acts 12:25 25 And Barnabas and Saul returned from Jerusalem when they had fulfilled their ministry, and they also took with them John whose surname was Mark.

 

On their way to Antioch and on to their first missionary journey, they invited John Mark to come with them.

 

However, something happened on the trip.

 

Acts 13:13 13 Now when Paul and his party set sail from Paphos, they came to Perga in Pamphylia; and John, departing from them, returned to Jerusalem.

 

Why did John leave them?  Was he a momma’s boy and couldn’t be away from home?  Was the persecution so tough that he couldn’t take it? Did he not like Paul?

 

The bottom line is that we don’t know.  However, we do know this.  It made Paul mad!

 

It made him so mad that he would rather part ways with Barnabas than take him on another trip.  This just became a painful relationship. 

 

 

Reconciled

However, I have great news!  Paul and Barnabas and Paul and John Mark were reconciled.

 

Paul included Barnabas in statement he made to the Corinthian Church about how they should be paid.

 

1 Corinthians 9:6 6 Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working?

 

Colossians 4:10 10 Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you, with Mark the cousin of Barnabas (about whom you received instructions: if he comes to you, welcome him),

 

Paul told the Colossians Christians to welcome Mark when he came to them and mentioned him with other faithful brothers in Philemon 1:24.

 

Philemon 1:24 24 as do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow laborers.

 

His most significant statement about John Mark came in 2 Timothy 4:11.

 

2 Timothy 4: 11 11 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for ministry.

 

He called the one who once deserted him now useful to him.

 

Let me share one other comment that Peter made about John Mark.

 

1 Peter 5:13 13 She who is in Babylon, elect together with you, greets you; and so does Mark my son.

 

Peter called him his son. 

 

BTW…we assume that John Mark quit the ministry for whatever reason, he obviously came back.  In other words, just easily as you stop a ministry, you can start a ministry. 

 

Peter took John Mark under his wing, mentored him, and who wrote the second Gospel?  It was John Mark from Peter’s eye-witness accounts.

 

 

Application

So here’s my question.  What happened to bring these folks back together after their paroxysm?

 

First, relationships are painful.  They hurt.  They cause us to get mad and angry.

 

Second, relationships are messy.  Disagreements happen between best friends.  Disagreements happen between family.  Disagreements happen between Christians and Christian leaders.

 

Third, relationships that are painful and messy can be reconciled. How?

 

Acknowledge that it takes two to tango.  Who was right between Paul and Barnabas?

 

There was Paul’s take, and there was Barnabas’ take, and somewhere in the middle was reality.  Or, there was Paul’s truth, and there was Barnabas’ truth, and somewhere in the middle was THE truth.

 

Ask for forgiveness.  In other words, be willing to say “I am sorry.”  I can’t tell you how many times I have needed to say I was wrong and needed forgiveness, and it was mostly to Christy and my daughters.

 

Finally, accept an apology.  In other words, be willing to forgive.

 

From Jesus lips to our ears:

 

Matthew 6:12 12 And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.

 

Matthew 6:14-15 14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 

Mark 11:25-26 25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

 

Luke 6:37 37 “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

 

And from Paul and Peter:

 

Ephesians 4:32 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

 

1 Peter 4:8 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

 

If you want to be godly, forgive like God.  If you call yourself a Christian, forgive like Jesus.

 

And there is not pain or hurt in the room that is as bad as our how bad and hurtful our sin is to a holy God.